You Should Go and Love Yourself in Cancer Season

Loves, I’m late in posting the write-up for Cancer season due to a main line water leak in my house. Speaking of which, Cancer can definitely cause major water leaks - and when I say “water leaks” I mean tears. And that is okay. Cancer is all about nurturing, tenderness, inward processes, self healing and safety. We are talking about deep waters here: like “how do I heal the hurts that keep me frombeing seen and loved?” Don’t be satisfied to stay on the surface. Your snorkel won’t cut it - we’re going deep for this one…All of the water signs (Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces) are about regeneration and healing, but for now, let’s look specifically at some of the ground rules for Cancerian healing:

• Life is a series of cycles and is not linear - Look at the moon’s cycles, the Earth’s orbit, and the seasons. We are no different. We can’t just “go, go, go” without causing damage to ourselves. With seasons, for example, everything has its timing and a corresponding action or mood to go with it. For example, winter is harsh, quiet, reflective and requires patience, sustained energy and a little grit. Spring is about new beginnings, innocence, hope and joy - it brings with it the idea that winter does not last forever - the plants that we thought were dead start to blossom, and animals that disappeared to hibernate are now re-emerging. We humans also have cycles, and it is in our best interest to honor them.

You cannot plant tomato seeds in the winter and expect them to bear fruit in the spring. I mean, you could do everything right: get the best seeds, plant them at the right depth, water them religiously and fertilize them. You could even sing to them, but if the timing is not right, they will not yield a harvest and your effort will be for naught. You cannot “will” tomatoes to grow. You must be patient, plant when the time is right, then water and wait. And water and wait. And water and wait. Even while there is no sign of growth on the surface… we humans are like seeds. Timing is very important and cycles are how we grow. There is a wisdom in knowing when to water, when to harvest and when to plant your thoughts, your dreams and your actions. And don’t let anything die on the vine. If there is something in your life that is dying, it may require your action to prune that thing - do it. Don’t live by default. Tend to your inner garden, prune what is dying, harvest what is ripe, share what you have an abundance of, weed what is getting in the way of clarity, and protect what is vulnerable.

• Home is not a house - Home is within you. Your animating force, the thing that makes you alive, let’s call it the soul, is paired with your body for as long as you live. If your body (and mind) were a house, if the thoughts in your head and how you treated yourself created a physical environment, what would it be like? Would all of the curtains be drawn? Would it be homey, industrial, sterile, disheveled? Would it be full of flickering lights and a squeaky swamp cooler, or would it have a couple candles lit and the windows open letting in the breeze? Would it be trashed, like someone tore through in a fit of anger and left everything strewn around out of spite?

In other words, how inhabitable is your home inside of yourself? Are you thinking negative thoughts? Are you constantly judging yourself or others? Are you peaceful? Are you angry or frustrated? Are you in a state of lack or deficiency? Are you on autopilot? Is there love? And lastly, what makes a “house” a “home”? I bring this up because in my life, I have sometimes muttered to myself, “I just want to go home” and sometimes I was actually in my house when I said it. I have also heard the elderly on multiple occasions say that they want to go “home” - and I don’t think they are talking about a building with four walls. Home is a place of safety, security, peace, love and freedom. It is more a feeling than a physical place. Make your body - your soul-house, into a home. It’s fine to have any and every emotion, but remember to release it in a safe way so that it does not wreck your house.

• There are different kinds of tears - there are tears of joy, tears of sadness, tears of anger and tears of allergies. But seriously, there is a whole spectrum of human emotion and you cannot prevent yourself from feeling one of them without ceasing to fully feel all of them. This includes love, grief, sadness, anger, joy, despair, hope, etc. Take the time to recognize which of these feelings you suppress.

Cancer season is about letting the emotion flow through you so it doesn’t get lodged somewhere in your psyche only to come jumping out at an inappropriate time in the future when you have forgotten its source. For example, when emotion gets stuck somewhere within us, anger from betrayal evolves into flipping an old lady off in traffic because she is barely driving the speed limit, sadness from loss of an opportunity evolves into lashing out at a loved one for not changing the toilet paper roll, grief from the loss of a relationship evolves into getting physically sick and having to call in at work, frustration from not speaking your truth evolves into being the only one not laughing when your little nephew puts on an impromptu rock concert with his air guitar. Open up and let the floods come and feel the newfound freedom and space that you feel in your body.

• Foster imagination - this means entertaining moments of reverie and awe and relaxing your ego. It means seeking thoughts outside of your habitual thought patterns and chasing curiosity and wonder. It means painting, journaling, singing in the car, taking a different route home, walking barefoot in the grass, taking a bath and reciting poetry, entertaining the absurd, and saying “no” to obligation when it feels, well, obligatory.

Be honest with yourself about what you need and why you’ve been keeping yourself from it. Only you know what lights your inner fire and no one can stoke it or starve it but you. Take control of your emotional life. Creativity is the best remedy for Groundhog Day Syndrome. If you’re waking up and going to sleep and can’t remember anything of particular significance in-between, it’s time to crank up the feels and do what makes your heart soothed and happy. It’s not selfish to nurture yourself. It’s a non-negotiable for your happiness. Trust me, everyone around you will benefit from it.

• Emotional security/insecurity is the result of your history and personal boundaries, not circumstance - This is for individuals who are in a reasonably healthy psychological and physical place. If you need emotional support, find a good therapist who doesn’t let you play games, but who is kind and gets to the heart of your healing path. The truth is that vulnerability and boundaries make for an elaborate dance, especially depending on your personal history. So when do you know when to put up a boundary, when to be vulnerable or when to let it go? Your feelings will tell you, so learn to feel them without judging them. If setting boundaries is new to you, you may not always get it right, and that’s okay - it’s part of the process. So learn to honor your feelings; they are good guides and serve an important purpose in your life. Sometimes creating a boundary just means creating physical space and politely excusing yourself … or just walking away. Sometimes it means not allowing someone to drain your energy reserves. If you always say “yes”… maybe it’s time to say “no” for a change. And don't feel like you have to justify yourself. "No" is a complete sentence.

Only you know how to do you in a way that is authentic. Having the courage to honor who you are at all times is not easy, but the rewards are great. Learn to be vulnerable in safe places with people you trust instead of in places where you are likely to replay painful occurrences from Your history. Cancer is mother energy, but that doesn’t mean it is soft or unable to protect - we all know what happens when someone tries to mess with a mama bear’s babies! Again, protect what is sacred to you. Your inner peace is one of those things.

If you use these guidelines, the hope is that you’ll be well on your way to building a healthy clan: befriending people you trust, can give grace to, can be vulnerable with, can be angry with, can be honest with, can laugh with and can cry with. But first, you must learn to be that person to yourself. Read that last paragraph again.

I love y’all…

Happy, sad, mad, joyous Cancer Season, Loves!

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